lolamarya - The Voice

I feel like I have so much to look forward to, yet at the same time, I feel stuck for now.   Why do I continually find myself in this pattern? Seemingly I have, but I need more; so much more.

This makes me want to go to a church that has no agenda, no schedule, isn't concerned about being a production and just go worship.

Yes I will continually and cryptically say that I am SO ready for the next phase until it is time for me to actually walk in it.  I am more excited the more that I see is waiting for me.  I am ready to walk into a land full of opportunities and I really feel as though God is moving me into the place that he has already blessed and prepared for me. And although not everything is ideal, I am looking at the silver lining and looking at the promises of God which means that no matter what the circumstances may look like, HE has the last say and I will trust in that. Boy, oh boy it is funny to me that I feel I am being led to a specific place for a specific reason.  I guess I am about to enter into a season of going into places I never wanted to be, but if I want to be in God's will, I have to go where He is leading me... More to come as it unfolds.....

Stranger things have been seen than times like this. Realistically through transition my position is still fixed. Focused and determined because I see the prize. So that's my goal and the only thing I see in my eyes.

I wonder if he thinks about me from time to time. Lord knows he frequently crosses my mind.  I miss him... I shouldn't, but I do. What should have never been was, and I still wonder what more could have been.

Exhale I am so all over the place mentally, spiritually, emotionally.... The fact that my name is attached to my blogs makes me hold back what I really need to vent sometimes.... Sometimes. This would be one of them. I'm confused, but because [I hear India.Arie's voice singing] my head and my heart are at war. But I know better, so it's my spirit and my flesh that are truly battling it out. They are at war over my soul and I am in a place where I have conflicting desires. Because one route would be so much easier.... at least that what my flesh feels. Because some things are fun and less painful, but this journey to my destiny has actually wounded me. But maybe I'm wounded because I am alive. Because I have had to fight just to stay alive and not be pulled under by the current and tidal waves of all the hell and drama that has been my life. These unseen things to the rest of the world; the battle mentally and spiritually I can never fully express. I...

This was inspired from a friend's poem that she posted as a note on Facebook my sister, friend, beloved your words intrigue me and cause me to see me more clearly as if somewhere between the words you type bits and pieces of my soul exist I am drawn to this exhibit of words and lyrics and am fueled to expel my own creativity artistically I see your heart exposed in parable-like structure hoping that the release will release and God will step in interceding thru perceptions of translated mysteries hidden not that you fail to reveal truth, but because even poetry cannot always express the depths of your heart lyrically and prophetically I see you in the fullness of destiny becoming who you were intended to be possessing your promise and restitution seeing the enemy fold realizing you have not been held captive by his institution.....