lolamarya - The Voice

father god I present to you my naked broken heart lifeless & decaying heal me 05-12-08

All that was left was remnants of what used to be there She lost herself; caught up in life She had become a person she could barely even recognize

for change and change came It ran in on me like a storm Quickly and fierce, but remnants of the past remained And as I tried to build and grow on the new, the past reared its head at the darnedest times I'm trying to be me and walk in my liberty, but the past has slapped me Why can't I run away? I want to cry, but I have already revealed too much of myself and they take me as a joke Why? Why must I struggle so much? Oh yeah... To whom much is given, much is required I remember that I must have a lot to expect because I'm working hard like it's a PHD on the other end of this Lord help me through Even if I hold back from others, I know that I have made progress if I can just be open and honest with you

Singing, because song is the one consistent in my life. Music is and always be there when I need it most. When I feel like dancing, when I need to cry. I can always count on song.... it's never done me wrong I feel like writing and maybe reciting a few words. Words are expression that I use to convey the very depths of my soul. Words on paper are so much more easily shared than vocally, at least for me. The things I could never speak; the love, the joy, the pain. It seems easier for others to accept my soul written than spoken.... maybe that will change one day, is what I am hoping I feel like crying. Crying because of the feelings I have yet to express. Even the emotion I have fear of sharing with written words. The things I fear may occur, maybe if I never touch the subjects we can pretend as if things don't exist. So I resist reality. I fear truth, yet knowing God's truth can change what man has declared..... truth is I am scared. I feel like being held. Held by ...

This is one album that impacted my life on a level no other has. Ms. Lauryn Hill is one of the greatest musical artists of our time.

I think about all of the missed opportunities I’ve had in my life and it kind of pains me. I know they say not to cry over spilled milk, but when you feel incomplete and void, you cannot help but think about what those missing pieces are and where they may be. I know that God can and will restore. I know this.

Forced to face demons of days past to get to tomorrow Wanting to forget yesterday But still trying to find a way Desperately seeking and searching For that which does not exist And these temptations, I'm trying But cannot always resist

is on some brand new like you never knew/no clues given, just relentless/I was sent for this/on the pursuit of destiny. such a sight to see/stepping into my destiny/passionately pursuing that which is pursuing me/walking in the fullness of my God given liberty

my sister, friend, beloved your words intrigue me and cause me to see me more clearly as if somewhere between the words you type bits and pieces of my soul exist I am drawn to this exhibit of words and lyrics and am fueled to expel my own creativity artistically I see your heart exposed in parable-like structure hoping that the release will release and God will step in interceding thru perceptions of translated mysteries hidden not that you fail to reveal truth, but because even poetry cannot always express the depths of your heart lyrically and prophetically I see you in the fullness of destiny becoming who you were intended to be possessing your promise and restitution seeing the enemy fold realizing you have not been held captive by his institution....

Out of my mind, out of my purpose Caught up in illusion of mass confusion, though not forced to be there Placing myself in harm's way just to say "Yeah, I've been down that road" So damn hard-headed and emotionally unstable Sometimes wanting this to not be reality As if this whole life was just a fable Where am I? Good question I need to ask myself In this place of compromise and deteriorating wealth............

Sitting here, mind clear, not really Soul filled with fear Fear of what is to come Fear of becoming numb Or just hardened emotionally Still disguising my true self - socially Even wearing the mask so much I'm losing touch Of reality Losing focus on who is me Who am I? Do I know? Have I forgotten, or am I just too afraid to show Caught up in a situation that I'm tired of being in But not knowing how to walk away from this sin

I feel the urge to spaz with the pen and pad My mentals nearly to the brink of fullness Overload Too many things to think about - so I shout Silently, internally In a place where no one can hear I can see clear For moments when chosen to step out of haze So I countdown - How many more times, how many more days Am I stuck in this lifestyle Or is this just another phase.....

I need to write, recite, and get this out of my soul Only turned to anger because of holding in too much pain And not allowing myself to express that Allowing emotions to subside and reside Without dealing with them Is the cause me or him... or him? Damn - my life is – Constantly changing but internal confusion Losing the focus between reality and illusion Constantly drawing conclusions Prematurely Ok the truth now It's not him or him, But me Because I have caused my own eyes to be blinded Not really wanting to see........

Formerly bastardized, but now I realize That time was set for purpose For we know that all things... Work together for... the one who sings Praises to the most high Trials and tribulations become testimony Adversity builds character And develops..... Who I am to become So I continually seek to be me Set free Daily renewing my mentality..........

What I will to do is lost At the cost of my soul I’m losing focus again It’s not about the sin That’s simply aftermath to the story I’m living halfway defeated And only momentarily seeing glory Where is life leading me? Simply trying to take that next step

Thinking I’m almost there fully But when I look, I’m shook Reality is not that it was taken The crook – is chillin Putting no work in Because I get myself caught up in sin Is it a front? I’m looking at my own heart Judging myself and where I need to be Daily seeking God So that I can find me

Naïve mindsets from untrained souls Mind, will, emotions, blinded eyes from unknown Lessons, not easily learned From elders when taught But the wise know that to gain wisdom, Truth is sought Seeking completeness Not filling voids with voids Immature mindsets are easily annoyed

Last words of the poet Stronger than the words expressed in a lifetime Because she knows that the rhythm is about to flat line And at the moment the heartbeat will cease She too will be deceased Wondering if the life she lived was sufficient For wanting to leave a legacy To encourage the new branches of her family tree Hoping that, while she strove to obtain, She has left room for the future to gain

I am, the new danger, a true stranger, contemplated enigma is me I'm the rebel chic yelling, "give us, us free" While finally realizing we create our own captivity By embracing and perpetuating a slavery mentality When will we realize that freedom is our destiny And we're not living the way we're supposed to be

I'm not satisfied with my current situation, so my aim is to change it, my life, rearrange it/ become a completely new me, set free, finally my mentality comprehending the already given liberty.

Emotionally unstable, I'm living a fable/ true lies untold, as this life unfolds/ seemingly worthless, but reality is, I'm worth my weight in gold/

Commonly misunderstood, but it's all good/ I'm a cipher, lyrical sniper/ murdering words like enemy soldiers/ they expect so much of this girl, so I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders

idealistic viewpoints infiltrate masses while wisdom is tossed aside foundational truths no longer relevant to a whole sect of humanity that exists in the enemy's lies

poetically vibin', realizin' words fuel my every breath, poetry is the blood flowing thru these vains and I've already lost it all, so I have nothing but the world to gain

Poetic antics guide my lack of expression. But I'm not telling you how I feel, so you can keep on guessing

battling mindsets and perceptions while becoming greater. I had to simply dust my shoulders off. I realized they were just haters.

Lyrical infiltration of words barely spoken. She did this to live life and become more, or at least that's what she was hoping