lolamarya - The Voice

Exhale I am so all over the place mentally, spiritually, emotionally.... The fact that my name is attached to my blogs makes me hold back what I really need to vent sometimes.... Sometimes. This would be one of them. I'm confused, but because [I hear India.Arie's voice singing] my head and my heart are at war. But I know better, so it's my spirit and my flesh that are truly battling it out. They are at war over my soul and I am in a place where I have conflicting desires. Because one route would be so much easier.... at least that what my flesh feels. Because some things are fun and less painful, but this journey to my destiny has actually wounded me. But maybe I'm wounded because I am alive. Because I have had to fight just to stay alive and not be pulled under by the current and tidal waves of all the hell and drama that has been my life. These unseen things to the rest of the world; the battle mentally and spiritually I can never fully express. I...

This was inspired from a friend's poem that she posted as a note on Facebook my sister, friend, beloved your words intrigue me and cause me to see me more clearly as if somewhere between the words you type bits and pieces of my soul exist I am drawn to this exhibit of words and lyrics and am fueled to expel my own creativity artistically I see your heart exposed in parable-like structure hoping that the release will release and God will step in interceding thru perceptions of translated mysteries hidden not that you fail to reveal truth, but because even poetry cannot always express the depths of your heart lyrically and prophetically I see you in the fullness of destiny becoming who you were intended to be possessing your promise and restitution seeing the enemy fold realizing you have not been held captive by his institution.....

Some people mistake kindness for weakness, but in actuality it's the opposite. It takes a strong person to show love and compassion to those who do not reciprocate. So all of you mad, angry people are just weak.

I was just on Twitter and realized that I tweet a lot when I really should blog more. So instead of tweeting folks to death tonight (er, um this morning), I figured I'd actually make use of this blog domain that I purchased. Two weeks ago I went to see the release of Hillsong's The I Heart Revolution: We're All In This Together film. The documentary was so moving and overwhelming and yet so simple and to the point in its message. One of the last parts of the film said across the screen, "Jesus did not come to start a religion. He came to share love" (it may not have been that wording exactly, but that is how I remember it).  That statement was so plain and simple yet said so much to me and I put it on my Facebook status that night when I got home. There was one comment on it from one of my fraternity sisters whom I actually pledged and was on line with and she said, "I see you're still the controversial one." Immediately when I read this, I wa...

If you need to contact me for any reason, there are several ways. Email lolamarya@gmail.com, Instant Messenger: AIM, Yahoo, Skype, Google Talk - the name is lolamarya on all of them, Twitter (can you guess what the name is? lol), that gadget on the right that says "Call Me" will actually link you directly with my personal phone via Google Voice, and lastly Blackberry Pin Messenger.  Shoot me an email with your pin and I'll add you. Thank you, God bless, goodnight :-)

Singing, because song is the one consistent in my life. Music is and always be there when I need it most. When I feel like dancing, when I need to cry. I can always count on song.... it's never done me wrong I feel like writing and maybe reciting a few words. Words are expression that I use to convey the very depths of my soul. Words on paper are so more easily shared than vocally, at least for me. The things I could never speak; the love, the joy, the pain. It seems so much more easy for others to accept my soul written than spoken.... maybe that will change one day, is what I am hoping I feel like crying. Crying because of the feelings I have yet to express. Even the emotion I have fear of sharing with written words. The things I fear may occur, maybe if I never touch the subjects we can pretend as if things don't exist. So I resist reality. I fear truth, yet knowing God's truth can change what man has declared..... truth is I am scared. I feel like being hel...

These were in my gmail from a while back at my last job. I shed tears out of fear of being lonely Waiting on "the one," Distracted by the ones Who are simply consuming my time, consuming my rhymes I could get more caught up on the ones, who can be momentary, But leave a lasting pain Simply to have someone for the moment Or I can wait for the one who is my destiny The one whom God has chosen for me Longing for that which I have never possessed Wanting the essence of that which I have only tasted the illusion Yet still, confusion boggles my mind So many possibilities of what could be If I unplug and become free Although free is not liberty Being plugged in keeps me safe It is my refuge My way of avoiding true harm Yet I am distracted by his charm Mesmerized by his eyes Enchanted by his kiss And softened by his touch Constantly slipping into those stolen moments The object is him because of familiarity The object is another because of what could be Bu...

I am missing days of old A time when naivety clouded my every thought When I was unaware of the deception Not that there were no struggles in those moments, but when youthful innocence pranced itself throughout my world Those days are gone When the tears shed didn’t permeate so deeply into my soul and the troubles were only skin deep Now they seep Into the very cracks and crevices of my every emotion They cause puddles of pain from un-dry eyes that know conflicting truths The very place of refuge has become the center of my cognitive dissonance We are learning yet not applying, but pretending or rather lying Becoming more coy and more versatile chameleons Adapting to the characteristics we want others to perceive Living the lie for so long that even we have begun to believe These opposing truths We should all be labeled as legally blind and forced to spend time Alone For we know not who we are The sense of self has become entangled amongst a world of cluttered realitie...

My soul cries and sheds tears of fears that no one sees But the pain is tearing me up inside and where I reside I have to mask all emotion So the only tears that come from these green eyes find their place and lie Upon my pillow only at night A time when I am alone, although always lonely Either I’m transforming in an invisible cocoon, or I’m dying slowly Or are these one in the same? Because to become the new, the old has to die But either way, I think I’m fighting truth, or so I try Somehow resisting change, but crying out for the same Fighting the onset of the very thing I am seeking Polluted mentalities from realities only seen by two eyes Truth lies in one’s perception and I seem to have closed my third eye I seemed to have covered my ears No longer hearing the truth spoken by the only one who has the power to change anything Only hearing life and pain, Ignoring the voice of Him – who is above all things But His reality is more real than our dismal existence Jus...