Exhale
I am so all over the place mentally, spiritually, emotionally.... The
fact that my name is attached to my blogs makes me hold back what I
really need to vent sometimes.... Sometimes.
This
would be one of them. I'm confused, but because [I hear India.Arie's
voice singing] my head and my heart are at war. But I know better, so
it's my spirit and my flesh that are truly battling it out. They are at
war over my soul and I am in a place where I have conflicting desires.
Because one route would be so much easier.... at least that what my
flesh feels. Because some things are fun and less painful, but this
journey to my destiny has actually wounded me. But maybe I'm wounded
because I am alive. Because I have had to fight just to stay alive and
not be pulled under by the current and tidal waves of all the hell and
drama that has been my life. These unseen things to the rest of the
world; the battle mentally and spiritually I can never fully express.
I'm supposed to be the responsible one; the one people turn to for
advice and wisdom. So why can I give it, but barely receive. I am weak.
I need....... I need...... so much. And yet I do not get even half of
what I give. I am exhausted and yet destiny will not stop calling. I
haven't fallen off, just taken another detour. I think I would have
arrived if it were not for all of these detours. This is my life. This
complex, simple, busy, too much time on my hands contradiction of all
that is tangible and intangible. God, when does it all make sense?