lolamarya - The Voice

Fun fact: I generally think before I post something that is polarizing and I already know it’s going to upset some folks. I learned a long time ago that I am not for everyone. I also learned that people will come to me who won’t go to other folks because I’m consistently who I am and am genuine. You either get comfortable with making the masses happy so you feel included, or you take your position and live in it; knowing that you are okay handling whatever comes your way, including rejection.  

I exist, but only live in moments Hanging onto life by a lifeline Always contemplating when I’ll reach the end of this lifetime I am here for my child to have more life Because at this point, I feel like I’ve damn near destroyed mine. 

 This right here is the reason I always keep going.  I have had so many days that I didn’t want to live anymore, but thank God for my daughter.  Of course I would die for her, but for her, I live.  

    If I say I believe something, but have no conviction, do I really believe? Can one truly believe something without conviction?  If you believe, but something comes along that contradicts your beliefs, can you hold firm without conviction?  

 I’m still not over you leaving this world. I hope that I can one day think of you without tears in my eyes.  I pray for your family; most of all your children.  I can’t compare what I feel to their loss.  I wish I had been a better friend, yet I don’t know if I could have offered you any of what you needed.  Damnit friend..... I mis you. 

This has been one hell of a year. My grandmother passed away, suddenly, earlier this year. I didn't have as much contact with her as I should have, always thinking I'd have more time to connection.... I guess we didn't have that. We tried like hell to get to her funeral, but the weather was so awful, we had to turn around and come back home.... Never got to say goodbye. About six weeks later, a woman who I looked at like a bonus mom, spiritual mother, good friend and mentor, she passed away too. I found out she had Brain cancer in January and when I heard, I got physically sick. Somehow I never thought about living a life where she didn't exist. But when I heard the diagnosis, I knew.  It was just something that hit my soul. When she passed, that hurt... Hurt like nothing ever hurt me before. I cried like a baby. Fortunately, I was able to fly back home to say goodbye.  Somehow I think that made things better.... for me.  After hearing that she was ready; she...

Small bits of poetry escape me at moments. The artist is still there inside, alive, waiting for the day she is rescued and set free to be everything she once desired to be.

09-15-2015 My king, gift from God They call you “black” to separate and demean you, But Black should remind you of how you were fashioned – in royalty and kingship You are king; strong and bold They tried to break you down, make you worthless But in doing that, only aided in building you up See what the world doesn’t know is they can never determine your worth You were given concrete and up grew a rose They measure your value by what you have But I see where you started and the progress you have made Beaten, broken, taken from your land to a foreign place Stripped of your name, your culture Even taken from the ones you love Forced to procreate and have your children stolen Titled “deadbeat,” but they beat – this behavior into you Out of this history of pain and brokenness, Still you survive They call you “nigger” and “thug” while ignoring your inventions, degrees and the fact that this country was built on your back They tell you that your da...

Sitting here listening to Briana Babineaux on YouTube in worship and it really hits me.  The only times I have every felt 100% complete and content in life have been in the depths of worship.  That uninhibited place where it is just me and God; even if it was on stage during worship service.  At that very moment when I'm in the place where nothing else matters and I can just sing from the very core of me.  When everything that is me is bowed before God, totally surrendered and what comes out of my mouth is directly sung to Him.   We were made to worship I want more of this. I need more. I need to worship I need to sing; not to glorify the gift that He gave, but because He gave me this gift, I will use it to be closer to Him. I have to become a worshipper.   I want my child to know and experience the fullness of His presence and what it is like to be totally surrendered to God.  I have to lead by example. Most of all I NEED th...