I’ve been crying a lot lately
Thinking of dying a lot lately
But every time you see me
My dry eyes lie
They hide the pain and fear of continuing and going through this cycle once again.
Too weak to be vulnerable
Too hurt to allow you to see my tears
These two things encompass most of my fears
The little girl who needed you became the woman who conceded to knowing things will never change for the better
Years of hope deferred became bitterness and apathy
The dark cloud gives me reprieve for a while
Before it returns
But each time it chooses to reposition itself
between me and the sunshine, it burns
What lesson have I learned?
What points have I earned
Is this give or take
How many times can I experience this pressure before I break?
I'm doing fine today and it feels weird because yesterday I was having a hard time just being.
I had a hard time being in the office and at one point took a walk outside so I could cry without anyone seeing.
Depression is this weird thing that covers like a weighted blanket and even with a bright sunshine, it feels like gloom
But it's a cycle so I know eventually it will be lifted and I can once again see the light in the room