Thoughts

I had a long conversation with my oldest sister last night.  We had never really gotten deep into the subject of life growing up in the same household.  I realized one thing; I had it easier than all of my other siblings growing up just because of how things fell into place.  My oldest brother and sister are about 10 and 11 years older than me and they dealt with things I never did.  My younger sister is 5 1/2 years younger than me and she had to deal with somethings that I never did as well.  I guess I was the lucky one.
I had to deal with things too, but growing up connected to church kind of took me another route.  I also took on responsibility for a lot of things at a young age, so my mentality was different.
Fact of the matter is, no one's life has been perfect and we've all been through some things.  We all react to then differently and they have had differing affects on our adult lives.  All in all, life has been one hell of an interesting ride and it has only just begun.

Mr. Intentional

See the road to hell, is paved with good intentions

Can't you tell, the way they have to mention

How they helped you out, you're such a hopeless victim

Please don't do me any favors, Mr. Intentional

All their talk, is seasoned to perfection

The road they walk, commanding your affection

They need to be needed, deceived by motivation

An opportunity, to further situation

Why they so important, is without explanation

Please don't patrionize me, Mr. Intentional

We give rise to ego, by being insecure

The advice that we go, desperatly searching for

The subconscious effort, to support our paramour

To engage in denial, to admit we're immature

Validating lies, Mr. Intentional

Open up yours eyes, Mr. Intentional

Stuck in a system, that seeks to suck your blood

Held emotionally hostage, by what everybody does

Counting all the money, that you give them just because

Exploiting ignorance, in the name of love

Stop before you drop because that's just the way it was

Please don't justify me, Mr. Intentional

Oh undementional, Mr. Intentional

Ohhh, oh don't you do me any favors

Ohhh, ohhhh, ohh ohhhh

Wake up you've been sleeping

Take up your bed and walk

Stop blaming other people

Oh it's nobody else's fault

Except the truth about you

You know that life goes on without you

And your expensive misinventions

Disguising your intentions

Don't worship my hurt feelings, Mr. Intentional

Life As It Is....

So this situation that I am dealing with has had me upset at times. Although I take full responsibility for my actions, I also have to deal with another person due to the circumstances. The thing that I hate is that I have the full burden on my shoulders at this moment and will continue to no matter what. This other person can choose his involvement and clearly has not stepped up to the plate to offer any support for me at this time. So yes I am upset and have a right to be. And whether it is right or wrong, it is how I feel and my standpoint is valid simply because it is mine.
If I choose to open up and share how I feel with a friend, I would expect that friend to at least be considerate of my feelings and not just go straight to chewing my head off. Especially if this is a person who I have to tip-toe around their emotions all of the damn time.
Apparently some people I know must think I have a heart of stone and they can say whatever, whenever they want and it isn't supposed to affect me.
That bullshit had me up half the night with my stomach in pain.
See I don't expect people I call "friend" to always agree with me, but a person's approach can have a hell of a lot more impact on a person than the actual words that he or she says.

I'd rather take this journey by myself than deal with another person's issues. But I made my bed, so I must lay in it.....
And even if it's glittered with deception, I have to take it as it it.

Thoughts on March 6th

How can a person be a Christian and be pro-choice? And further than that be extremely nonchalant about having an abortion? What I heard today was definitely a hardened-heart situation. I may have my flaws and still fall into sin, but I do not want a hard heart. I don't want to ever look at something that is so evidently in opposition of God's will and be okay with it. The world may judge me for the stains that sin has left in my life, but as long as God knows that my heart is pure towards God, I am alright.
Some decisions that we make to go outside of God's will have consequences that cannot be hidden. I was so worried about other people's opinions of my evidence until this very moment. Something has clicked. I know where I am mentally, spiritually and God knows my heart and intentions.
I am going to stop living in the shame of what I have done and start living in the righteousness that God has called me to walk in.