magneticpoetry.com

father god I present to you
my naked broken heart
lifeless & decaying
heal me

05-12-08

All that was left was remnants of what used to be there

She lost herself; caught up in life

She had become a person she could barely even recognize

I Prayed

for change and change came
It ran in on me like a storm
Quickly and fierce, but remnants of the past remained
And as I tried to build and grow on the new, the past reared its head at the darnedest times
I'm trying to be me and walk in my liberty, but the past has slapped me
Why can't I run away?
I want to cry, but I have already revealed too much of myself and they take me as a joke
Why?
Why must I struggle so much?
Oh yeah...
To whom much is given, much is required
I remember that
I must have a lot to expect because I'm working hard like it's a PHD on the other end of this
Lord help me through
Even if I hold back from others, I know that I have made progress if I can just be open and honest with you

I feel like....

Singing, because song is the one consistent in my life. Music is and always be there when I need it most. When I feel like dancing, when I need to cry. I can always count on song.... it's never done me wrong

I feel like writing and maybe reciting a few words. Words are expression that I use to convey the very depths of my soul. Words on paper are so much more easily shared than vocally, at least for me. The things I could never speak; the love, the joy, the pain. It seems easier for others to accept my soul written than spoken.... maybe that will change one day, is what I am hoping

I feel like crying. Crying because of the feelings I have yet to express. Even the emotion I have fear of sharing with written words. The things I fear may occur, maybe if I never touch the subjects we can pretend as if things don't exist. So I resist reality. I fear truth, yet knowing God's truth can change what man has declared..... truth is I am scared.

I feel like being held. Held by nurturing arms that no longer exist. Maybe because I rejected them so many years ago and for so many more until this moment. Yet am now in a place where I cannot convey my needs.... I am void, yet avoiding turning to the only one who can truly fill that place

I feel like changing.... I need newness, growth, transition. I cannot live in the constant that is my current life. I need more. I crave the essence of that which is deeper.....

01-15-09

Influence

This is one album that impacted my life on a level no other has. Ms. Lauryn Hill is one of the greatest musical artists of our time.

I think about all of the missed opportunities I’ve had in my life and it kind of pains me. I know they say not to cry over spilled milk, but when you feel incomplete and void, you cannot help but think about what those missing pieces are and where they may be.
I know that God can and will restore. I know this.

untitled

Forced to face demons of days past to get to tomorrow
Wanting to forget yesterday
But still trying to find a way
Desperately seeking and searching
For that which does not exist
And these temptations,
I'm trying
But cannot always resist

is on some brand new like you never knew/no clues given, just relentless/I was sent for this/on the pursuit of destiny.

such a sight to see/stepping into my destiny/passionately pursuing that which is pursuing me/walking in the fullness of my God given liberty

my sister, friend, beloved
your words intrigue me and cause me to see me
more clearly as if somewhere between the words you type
bits and pieces of my soul exist
I am drawn to this exhibit of words and lyrics
and am fueled to expel my own creativity
artistically I see your heart exposed in parable-like structure
hoping that the release will release and God will step in
interceding thru perceptions of translated mysteries hidden
not that you fail to reveal truth,
but because even poetry cannot always express the depths of your heart
lyrically and prophetically I see you in the fullness of destiny
becoming who you were intended to be
possessing your promise and restitution
seeing the enemy fold realizing you have not been held captive by his institution....

Out of my mind, out of my purpose
Caught up in illusion of mass confusion, though not forced to be there
Placing myself in harm's way just to say
"Yeah, I've been down that road"
So damn hard-headed and emotionally unstable
Sometimes wanting this to not be reality
As if this whole life was just a fable
Where am I?
Good question I need to ask myself
In this place of compromise and deteriorating wealth............

Sitting here, mind clear, not really
Soul filled with fear
Fear of what is to come
Fear of becoming numb
Or just hardened emotionally
Still disguising my true self - socially
Even wearing the mask so much I'm losing touch
Of reality
Losing focus on who is me
Who am I?
Do I know?
Have I forgotten, or am I just too afraid to show
Caught up in a situation that I'm tired of being in
But not knowing how to walk away from this sin

I feel the urge to spaz with the pen and pad
My mentals nearly to the brink of fullness
Overload
Too many things to think about - so I shout
Silently, internally
In a place where no one can hear
I can see clear
For moments when chosen to step out of haze
So I countdown -
How many more times, how many more days
Am I stuck in this lifestyle
Or is this just another phase.....

I need to write, recite, and get this out of my soul
Only turned to anger because of holding in too much pain
And not allowing myself to express that
Allowing emotions to subside and reside
Without dealing with them
Is the cause me or him... or him?
Damn - my life is –
Constantly changing but internal confusion
Losing the focus between reality and illusion
Constantly drawing conclusions
Prematurely
Ok the truth now
It's not him or him,
But me
Because I have caused my own eyes to be blinded
Not really wanting to see........

Formerly bastardized, but now I realize
That time was set for purpose
For we know that all things...
Work together for... the one who sings
Praises to the most high
Trials and tribulations become testimony
Adversity builds character
And develops.....
Who I am to become
So I continually seek to be me
Set free
Daily renewing my mentality..........

What I will to do is lost
At the cost of my soul
I’m losing focus again
It’s not about the sin
That’s simply aftermath to the story
I’m living halfway defeated
And only momentarily seeing glory
Where is life leading me?
Simply trying to take that next step

Thinking I’m almost there fully
But when I look, I’m shook
Reality is not that it was taken
The crook – is chillin
Putting no work in
Because I get myself caught up in sin
Is it a front?
I’m looking at my own heart
Judging myself and where I need to be
Daily seeking God
So that I can find me

Naïve mindsets from untrained souls
Mind, will, emotions, blinded eyes from unknown
Lessons, not easily learned
From elders when taught
But the wise know that to gain wisdom,
Truth is sought
Seeking completeness
Not filling voids with voids
Immature mindsets are easily annoyed

Last words of the poet
Stronger than the words expressed in a lifetime
Because she knows that the rhythm is about to flat line
And at the moment the heartbeat will cease
She too will be deceased
Wondering if the life she lived was sufficient
For wanting to leave a legacy
To encourage the new branches of her family tree
Hoping that, while she strove to obtain,
She has left room for the future to gain

I am, the new danger, a true stranger, contemplated enigma is me
I'm the rebel chic yelling, "give us, us free"
While finally realizing we create our own captivity
By embracing and perpetuating a slavery mentality
When will we realize that freedom is our destiny
And we're not living the way we're supposed to be

I'm not satisfied with my current situation, so my aim is to change it, my life, rearrange it/ become a completely new me, set free, finally my mentality comprehending the already given liberty.

Emotionally unstable, I'm living a fable/ true lies untold, as this life unfolds/ seemingly worthless, but reality is, I'm worth my weight in gold/

Commonly misunderstood, but it's all good/ I'm a cipher, lyrical sniper/ murdering words like enemy soldiers/ they expect so much of this girl, so I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders

idealistic viewpoints infiltrate masses while wisdom is tossed aside
foundational truths no longer relevant to a whole sect of humanity that exists in the enemy's lies

poetically vibin', realizin' words fuel my every breath, poetry is the blood flowing thru these vains
and I've already lost it all, so I have nothing but the world to gain

Poetic antics guide my lack of expression. But I'm not telling you how I feel, so you can keep on guessing

battling mindsets and perceptions while becoming greater. I had to simply dust my shoulders off. I realized they were just haters.

Lyrical infiltration of words barely spoken. She did this to live life and become more, or at least that's what she was hoping