This has been one hell of a year.
My grandmother passed away, suddenly, earlier this year.
I didn't have as much contact with her as I should have, always thinking I'd have more time to connection.... I guess we didn't have that.
We tried like hell to get to her funeral, but the weather was so awful, we had to turn around and come back home.... Never got to say goodbye.
About six weeks later, a woman who I looked at like a bonus mom, spiritual mother, good friend and mentor, she passed away too.
I found out she had Brain cancer in January and when I heard, I got physically sick.
Somehow I never thought about living a life where she didn't exist.
But when I heard the diagnosis, I knew. It was just something that hit my soul.
When she passed, that hurt... Hurt like nothing ever hurt me before.
I cried like a baby.
Fortunately, I was able to fly back home to say goodbye. Somehow I think that made things better.... for me. After hearing that she was ready; she didn't want to fight to live, because she was ready to go on to see Jesus. She was stepping into eternity; a better life than now.
Even still, my selfishness just wanted... still wants... her here. Because I feel like I still need her. Like there are some things I didn't get to learn.....
But I think back and I am eternally grateful for the relationship we had. There will never be another her. No one can fill that space. Sometimes I hear her voice when I'm going to make a decision. Her wisdom, her love... it's ingrained in me.
So this past year has been a great, yet hard year. Even now typing this and reflecting, through tears dripping from my eyes.... I am grateful.
Grateful that God loved me enough to bless me with these people in my life. People who I appreciate and know that I will see again someday. Hopefully when I do, they will be proud of who I have become and am becoming....
